17 Aug Shame Heals?
“Shame, this horrible overwhelming experience that takes me down, you’re telling me this can lead me to healing? Now I know you’ve gone off the deep end.”
If you’re looking for this article — I goofed!
Here’s the link for that one : click here
Christina, a long term client of mine, certainly wasn’t mincing any words.
She’s heard me talk about how shame is an attachment protest that can be healed. For many reasons, though, today she decided to challenge me as a way to find her own wisdom. Below is the gist of a long conversation we had. I hope it helps open up the subject for you as well.
To explore how to Positively Heal Shame come join me at the Brattleboro Retreat for a one-day workshop September 23, 2015
Our needs for love, affection, caring, being seen, known, understood, protected, nurtured – all those needs and more are hard wired in us. Yet at some point something happened that made us feel humiliated for having one or all of those needs. The natural life force moving within us reaching out to connect to someone became distorted, contracted into self-destructive patterns.
It happens in the body. Seemingly out of our control. It results in not wanting to be seen and known – sure that we’ll be seen in a negative light.
These simple words communicate but do nothing to describe the intense floodgate of burning toxicity cascading inside that comes when we’re tortured with shame.
From an attachment perspective shame is an extreme form of protest collapsed in on itself. What was a normal, natural need for some form of attachment was thwarted. Our heart cried, “NOOOO!” “This shouldn’t be happening….”
How can we transform this wretched pattern?
Yogic philosophy taught me the body-based way to harness the life force contorted in shame. If we’re lucky enough to have kindness and support around us the process is easier. But it’s not a prerequisite. We can still learn the skills of:
- Cultivating a forcefield of compassion
Try one of Kristy Arbon’s online compassion retreats (August 31) as a way to build this buffer zone of compassion
- Making room in the body by slowing down time
- Surfing sensation by untangling story from sensation
- Find a nourishing opposite
These are all the skills that form the basis of all I teach whether the Becoming Safely Embodied Skills, in the Positively Healing Shame workshop or in the Trauma, Attachment & Yoga training. I’ll be doing a video series in the fall – free for all. Keep posted for that. In the meantime, try one of Kristy Arbon’s online compassion retreats or Lidewiji Niezink’s free Empathy ebook below.
Here’s another way to develop more empathy in yourself and with others?
A great resource is the free ebook by Lidewij Niezink who is doing research at the Cancer Institute of South Africa to train and research “Empathy Circles” as ways to support staff, through empathic means, to support one another and their clients. You can find more about his work at www.lidewijniezink.com and www.compassionate.center