Give Up. When all else fails, just give up

Give Up. When all else fails, just give up

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Give up?

Yup. You read it correctly. I felt that way recently when I felt threatened in a conversation.I couldn’t make sense of the confusing messages I was picking up. That always throws me off. I lose connection to myself and to what’s going on around me.. I wasn’t really being threatened, was I? 
What I did know is I was completely disoriented.  Am I really hearing/seeing what I think I’m seeing and  hearing?  
Then shock set in. Why is this happening to me?
I cratered headlong into old, yucky time zones with buried time capsules of narcissism bringing up the kind of despair and hopelessness that comes when old attachment patterns are triggered.
Definitely wanted to throw in the towel. Give up.  confused_head_sm
Which is what helped me wake up and realize what was going on. I’m triggered.  
I heard myself to myself what I say to people in the Becoming Safely Embodied skills courses, “If the moment feels out of proportion then it’s about the past.”
That gave me a toehold out of the triggering vortex.

You ever have moments like this?

Times when you wanted to give up?  Maybe moments like I had or when ….
  • you’ve been trying to do something and you feel like you’ve hit a brick wall
  • something hasn’t worked out the way you want
  • you keep doing the same thing and hate how you feel
  • you want love but find you keep messing up relationships

What about you? What are your moments like? Post a comment below

Time to stop

When we keep doing something and getting the same result (or in my example, when I felt used and wanted to give up) it’s time to stop. Reassess. Focus on a small moment, like the breath.

I remembered a simple intervention – rhythmic breathing that I learned from Richard Brown and Patricia Gerberg. It’s also used in Compassion Focused Therapy.

I’ve learned the hard way. In moments like this, before doing anything. Stop. These aren’t the times to do anything but ride the white waters of life.  I’ve found it helps to know what I need and fill those needs of comfort, connection.

At those times I also need reality testing, being with people I believe in and who live with similar values: ethical, loyal, caring, considerate, compassionate. That helps me remember who I am and who most of us are.

What about you? What do you do to re-orient? leave a comment below and join the community of like-minded people

After that , it’s time to assess

Look for the deeper pattern, seeing what is unconsciously setting us up, finding ways to course correct. We don’t have to keep doing what we’ve been doing.  We can change the things that haven’t worked, the ones that result in icky feelings of depression, anxiety, distress, isolation,

Giving up is only one side of the equation. The other side is opening up to something new.  And the new is always waiting to flow in.

Most of the time there’s a gap between the old pattern ending and something new coming in.  It might be a day (okay, that’s my hopeful part). Most likely it’s days, weeks, months till the new comes in.
You can shorten that time frame, though.
That comes from getting help looking in new directions, trying on new perspectives, feeling new feelings in your body, opening your heart to move through resistance, blocks, barriers.
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That’s what the Trauma, Attachment & Yoga Training is about:
  • New perspectives on old situations
  • Experiences that help you embody who you want to be instead of living out old patterns that no longer work
  • Gaining safety in opening your heart — and keeping it open
  • Deepening an understanding of research and the literature on trauma, attachment and yoga psychology
  • Knowing you’re not alone as you safely explore in a community of like minded people

Consistently, gradually but inevitably getting where you want to go

We get there. It takes time. We cultivate patience, balance, equanimity. All traditions agree. We get there. One step after the other. It’s inevitable.
That’s how we grow and become who we’ve always wanted to be: Our Self.
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What makes the path easier is having a manual, a step by step guide to navigate the path
And it takes community, connection to others who have similar values and intentions.
The incubation space of the Trauma, Attachment & Yoga Training 
In setting aside a committed period of time to safely engage with your internal patterns within a nourishing community of others dedicated to walking on the same path.

It’s why I created the Trauma, Attachment & Yoga training to provide a space for vibrant exploration, healing and transformation.

We come together in a small group for three two day weekends starting in January, 2017.
Let’s talk
If this resonates with you, I’d love to have you join us.  I always have time to explore if this is a good fit for you. Email me and we’ll set up a time to talk further.
Here’s what Ray Howard said after last year’s training:
“Deirdre Fay’s Trauma Attachment Yoga training provides a rich panoply of skills that help treatment providers focus on trauma sequelae that reside in the body, mind, heart, soul. This training program and treatment approach are invaluable to anyone treating complex or developmental PTSD.  It’s one of the finest training programs I’ve ever attended.” 

 ~ Ray Howard, LICSW Keene, NH

What’s your experience like? What works for you?  What gets you dropping down the triggered vortex?