Maybe it’s the day?
Maybe it’s because I have the Becoming Safely Attached curriculum on my mind but all week I have been interacting with people about the patterns that dictate the course of their lives.
In fact, I literally just got off the phone. A wonderful, delightful, engaging woman called wanting to find out if I was taking new clients. As I listened to her story I could feel myself wanting to work with her even though I really don’t have room for new clients.
At the same time, however, I heard in her story the pattern of being frightened by someone, in this case her current therapist who she acknowledged is a really good therapist and they’ve done some good work together. (Full disclosure, I know the therapist and know she’s really good.)
I felt myself stumbling a little bit, after all, I only knew this lovely woman for less than 10 minutes. I knew I had to tell her, though, that healing happens partly when the s***** hits the you know what.
It’s really hard to deal with the uncomfortable moments, those moments when we want to run, get away, hide, disappear. The story she told me is that the therapist said something that “really made me uncomfortable.”
I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would do the same. Any other therapist would. There would be some point when I stumbled, screwed up, made a mistake, faltered, wasn’t as present as I’d like to be. I asked her, “How would it be different with me?”
“Here you have a good relationship with a really good therapist. She made a mistake. She didn’t do something right. Healing happens when we enter into those difficult, uncomfortable moments and do it differently.”
The therapist had already called the client, already apologized, already knew she had made a mistake. It was clear, at least to me, that the therapist had the capacity to repair the “ick” that had happened.
If we always run away from the discomfort we never actually get to where we want to go.
Myself — well, I wish it were different, too. I’ve learned, though, that as I stick it out, and move through the “ick” with the right people the outcome shifts and my life gets better.
Of course, I’d say something different if the therapist was bad, and not worth it, or was damaging in any way. In that case I would tell her to run, get away, get the healing that is possible with someone else.
I told her I would be glad to give her someone’s name who had time in their schedule to see her, but she’d most likely encounter her own “stuff” in that therapy too.
She said, “You really think I should go back to [the therapist.]“
I did. I told her I really wanted her to have the healing she wanted. I hope she has the courage to go back to the therapist and work out the kinks. Those patterns of discomfort tend to follow us where we go.
I wish her the best.