When Change isn’t Fast Enough

Do you ever get frustrated with yourself because you want something to be different – but just can’t seem to make it happen?

In the last email I shared how PROTEST  – pushing/venting against something – doesn’t, by itself, lead to change.  

It just leads to more of the same.

So what does make a difference?

What’s missing for the change to take hold is a combination of what I learned from research on attachment, exercise theory, and change processes.

In attachment theory, the researcher Karlen Lyons-Ruth called this idea “Scaffolding”: a way of working with parents to help them support their children.

Dr. Robert Maurer’s research on micro-commitments points to making one small step instead of trying to tackle the whole thing at once.

In the “Becoming Safely Embodied” book I look at the idea of “Choice Points.”  Pausing at the crossroads of life, in the moment, even and especially when we're triggered, to orient in a new direction.

In healing there’s the hope and wish that if we could only do this faster, or quicker, we’d get where we want sooner.  

I wish it was the case!

When we push forward, instead of paying attention, what tends to happen is we jump over important bits of the process.  

Then we get frustrated when we have to go over them again (often many times).

There's a simpler way — that's actually faster in the long run.