For years I had been hearing people like Allan Shore and Diana Fosha talk about “dyadic regulation” or “limbic regulation.” We’re composed of not one brain but an amazingly complex brain with a spectrum of functions. Different parts of the brain were developed over time, theoretically, as the need arose.
I knew about the brain structures they were talking about. A simplistic understanding is that the limbic brain is where feelings are generated, stored, synthesized.
Here’s a wonderful slide by my colleague Janina Fisher (2003) that describes the Triune Brain first proposed by Paul McLean in 1967.
I don’t know about you, but there’s a difference between learning something through my head and learning it with my whole body.
That was what happened when I really learned about limbic regulation from Pasha.
Let me start at the beginning.
I kept hearing at these conferences all about limbic regulation. It made so much sense when I would hear these experts talking. I “got” it with my mind.
At the same time I kept sorting out what it really was to have limbic regulation in my body. For years attachment issues confounded me. I understood it — but I still didn’t always have the felt experience that went along with it.
Over the years I had done a ton of work on myself to the point where I was able to get comfort from relationships, from touch. Yet I had to admit there was still this missing piece and old beliefs that hiccupped me with people.
Somewhere in those years I could feel the longing growing to understand this from the inside out.
That dovetailed with a longing I had had of getting a dog for many years but felt I was too busy, didn’t know what kind of dog, etc, etc.
Despite my “better” thoughts about it, I followed my impulse, my instincts. I went to look at a bunch of puppies one day. There was this little bundle of white fuzz ambling around on his own, truthfully looking a little disconnected (!)
I left, glad to have gone and seen these little bundles of joy but pretty sure I wasn’t ready for the jump into family life but there was something about him that kept calling to me long after I had been with him. My body kept telling me to take him home.
Over days I kept checking with my body, talking about it in therapy, with friends, with my partner, Dave.
The longing – for what I wasn’t sure – kept pushing me, till yes, Pasha came home, all three pounds of him.
I remember driving away with him, holding him, feeling his warm little being. Now those of you with children have probably had this experience already. It was new to me.
The thing about little babies, puppies, kitties is how relaxed their bodies are. They just melt into you. No resistance.
Notice the difference when you huge someone or reach out to them. Usually your body is holding back some, not giving in completely. Not so with these little newbies.
Holding Pasha was an “Aahhh!” Now I know what limbic regulation was. His little body, breathing being was what Allan Shore calls a “neurobiological regulator.” My nervous system relaxed being close to him
It’s why so many people have animals. Their unconditional love and joyous spirit combined with this dyadic regulation makes for good medicine!
What about you? What has your experience been with limbic regulation?
Ah . . . this was yummy to read. I found moments of my own limbic regulation while reading your words. I imagine holding a puppy as I read of your experience, I feel my breath deepen and my heart slow. I work with children, newborns and up, and I consciously approach my work with this limbic regulation in mind. I strive to use my own presence to help the littles ones find their own ability to regulate. When they are agitated and upset, I often check in with myself – making sure to settle, soften, and slow my own nervous system. This way I can hold them, and allow them to have their experience, while I am aware of mine. Each time I approach a child like this, they are able to attach to me, to soften and calm, to surrender. It is a circular process – as the children surrender, I often become more aware of my own nervous system and the ways it is slowing and softening and meeting the movement of the child. I LOVE the possibility of interpersonal limbic regulation. I also value the wisdom that comes from embodying this process. Thank you for the reminder!
#
I love your comment about it being a circular process. Important piece you are adding here. Your description of the circularity of it brings the experience home to me. thanks for adding that.
deirdre
#
Deidre- I always look forward to your e-mails. When I try to look for comforting/pleasure moments for self or others I try very hard to stay in the moment. Touching our pets. Sitting in front a warm fire. Putting out flowers that are fragrant and beautiful. Just trying to fill up with little here, little there etc. I find comfort also in digging in the earth. There is something that has for one moment in our lives which has given us pleasure. We just need to build on it. Thanks. Catherine
#
Wonderful to hear your words, Catherine. There are so true.
It’s been interesting to hear back from so many people, both here on the blog, and through email. An informal tally indicates that pets and nature give us the most comfort. I find it so interesting how we don’t know how to access comfort from others.
Deirdre
#
Well this is very timely indeed cuz I just had that same “Ahhh…” experience, but from a different source.
My nervous system has been a bit of a wreck in the wake of some very challenging relational stuff with a significant other (that I instigated due to sloppy interaction). But I just rec’d an email that responded to some q’s I had posed to this person and reading her words, my whole body softened…giving me a sense of security and like “ok, all’s well again”. Fewww! Ahhh…etc. Relax now.
So I guess for me, ‘neurobiological regulator’ comes from the needs I get met from being in relationship with significant others. Like I need to know that the relationships that matter to me most, are on sturdy ground.
But I wonder, if I come to trust more and more in my highest, deepest self ie, the wise woman within or Self Energy/IFS, will I be able to ‘neurobilogically regulate’ myself?? By depending on the strenght of this Self that is equanamous at all times…is always there deep inside…still amidts all the dysregulation, forever waiting to be called upon?
#
It’s a really important inquiry. Some would say that when we are solidly established in our own Source/Self energy that we won’t need others, that we’ll be able to regulate ourselves. Yes, that’s true we can be much more able to regulate ourselves. Yet, there’s a tremendous beauty that comes from needing others.
The Sufi’s in fact speak to the need for longing as a vehicle through which contact the Divine.
Deirdre
#
Addendum to previous post:
Congradulations on your new addition to the family by the way. That’s one lucky pup! Here’s to continuing to learn from her…about so many things!
I actually had a doggy growing up that looked a lot like Pasha. Her name was Aja (after Steely Dan song) and she’d come sit on my lap whenever my dad sat me down to scold me. Talk about an attempt at neurobiological regulation! Even in the face of my dad’s (often unwarranted) punishment. I’m sure Aja knew what she was doing when she crawled up onto my lap: sooth me and protect me (help regulate). I miss my doggie, but know she lived a really good life while under our care…and am grateful for all the unconditional love and protection she gave me.
Thinking about all this makes clear the phrase “dog’s best freind”. There’s an interesting WGBY show on dogs and how as they became domesticated, adapted areas in the brain to be attuned to our emotions. They showed the science of it all…very fascinating.
Anyway, this was a very cool learning, sharing about your experience thinking about and deciding to adopt Pasha, and how relates to the stuff you’re learning about the brain. Helps to understand it better.
#
Glad it’s helpful, Awakening. Actually Pasha is almost 8 years old now. His teaching continues to be sound through all th years.
I find it amazing how some dogs/cats/pets can sense people and tend to their psychological needs — like Aja did when she’s be there to soothe and protect you. I’m glad you had her.
deirdre
#
Great article, Deirdre, and though you wrote it months ago, it is timely for me to read it now. I’ve been questioning whether the profound depth of my connection to my 10 year old kitty Thea is ‘normal’. She’s being treated for breast cancer and is halfway thru her chemo. I love Thea so deeply that her illness literally makes my heart ache. Over the years I’ve noticed how I become blissfully and relaxed when I hold her and feel her thick soft fur, her deep purring, her warmth and pliancy. It feels like a prmitive connection. I was actually thinking this was abnormal, and a sign of my unresolved attachment issues. Now you have reassured me that what I am feeling is deep limbic regulation, and it all makes total sense. Thank you.
Ilene
#
I am so very glad, Ilene. Your connection with Thea is important. As you say, these kinds of “primitive connections” aren’t easily explained. In the world of attachment theory that you can bond so fully is a sign of health.
Thanks for reaching out (another good attachment sign!) and sharing yourself with me/all of us.
deirdre
#