24 Jan Hoofbeats and The Feminine Flow
A couple years ago I met Sara Willerson at a conference in Europe. It was like meeting a soul sister. Since then we’ve kept in touch about her work in equine therapy in the brave and wonderful state of Texas. To see a video of her work click here. Here’s a blog post she put together for you all.
This morning I was chatting with my “special friend” about the difference between men and women’s processing styles.
Men resemble waffles
His view is that a man’s process resembles a waffle – they go from box to box in a linear fashion. He sees men as going in to one box at a time, focusing on that one task first before moving in to the next box. These boxes can be “work” box, “to do” box, “home” box, and “relationship” box – to name a few. He said he can see outside of the box he is in to the other waffle boxes around, but keeps his focus right in the box where he is.
He then totally cracked me up when he said there really is such a thing as a “nothing” box. This is the box that men hang out in between the other boxes and they are just doing nothing. So when a woman asks a man what he is doing and he replies, “Nothing” my friend reported that is the absolute truth. Nothing!
Women are more like a mound of spaghetti
I asked him how he saw women and their processing style and he described it as a “mound of spaghetti.” “Women have all these lines that are crossing over each other and are all connected. They are all talking to each other and reaching out to many other places and directions. Men, for the most part, cannot do that.”He did say that some men can more easily connect to the feminine side of themselves but that is typically not the norm for men as a general population. He sees women as connected to everything.
Asking the horses what they thought about all this
I thought a lot about his comments and decided I would take this view to the main ladies in my life: Moonbeam, Asante, and Thera. These ladies are horses and always have very powerful words of wisdom to share. They are each very different in their styles of being, sharing and communicating – not only with humans but with each other as well.
Moonbeam
Moonbeam is the leader in this herd of 6 horses at WolfTree Ranch. I have known her for about 8 years. She is a smaller bay colored horse and is half Arabian. She has a long flowing mane and very thick forelock and beautiful, to the ground, wavy tail. I observe her often, especially in how she manages this herd family.
Her style as a leader is pretty laid back in that she truly allows each member of her family to be themselves. She never tries to change them or their behavior, but sees and encourages each of them and the special gifts they bring to her herd. She holds the space for each one of them. She is very loving and nurturing and cares for each one of them.
When I asked about her style of feminine flow she responded that, “It is about speaking your Truth.” She said, “I have a proud voice and I speak IT when Spirit speaks through me.”
In reading this, some may interpret her words as she speaks loudly or forcefully…well she does have a very powerful whinny but that is usually saved for reminding me she is hungry and I am late feeding her breakfast or calling to another horse to find out where they are. In fact though, the picture she shows of herself is radiating waves of beautiful white light that extend unendingly from her body.
She notes the “spaghetti” metaphor, but instead shows waves of flowing light which extend to All and Everything. Her body is standing very firmly and proudly and she can see, hear and know ALL that is occurring around and beyond. This flow is the way she connects with everything and everyone.
Asante
As I pass the microphone to Asante she shows a different picture.
Before I share her wisdom, it is important for readers to know her story. Asante joined our herd this past summer. She is a large French Warmblood and is ebony black with a white blaze on her face and two white socks on her hind legs. Asante was a show jumper and her previous owner shared her history as one who always said “Yes” to anything that was asked of her.
No matter how high the jump was or the difficulty of the course, Asante performed and performed well. You may well wonder, “So what’s wrong with that?” Well, due to her work ethic she ignored a serious leg injury and kept pushing through it. She never showed the trainer how badly she was hurting. She just kept pushing through the pain to please everyone around her.
When she finally showed some of the pain she was given a simple anti-inflammatory drug to keep her comfortable. And she kept on performing.
One day however, her physical body gave way and it was discovered that one of her hind ligaments was totally destroyed.
Thus the end to her show career and the end of her current identity. When Asante joined us, I saw her immediately looking to please and doing whatever was asked of her.
I reminded her that she can say “No” if she wants to. I swear that horse looked at me like, “Really?! I am allowed to do that???” From then on, she took that to heart and has constantly taught our clients who come out to the ranch for equine facilitated psychotherapy sessions, about the ability to say “No” when necessary.
When I ask Asante about The Feminine Flow she focuses on this lesson of “Saying Yes when you mean No.” She then shows a picture of when she is in that old pattern, she finds herself pulling inside or constricting who she is so that she completely disappears. In that place, her needs do not count and do not matter. She is holding her breath.
This visual is wonderful to me because the other thing she does so often with clients is take huge sighing breaths in their presence. I have learned that when she does this, she is trying to get the client’s attention about something and usually that is reminding them to breathe and expand.
Thera
Thera is a Mustang mare who also came to live with us this summer. She is a member of the Pryor Mountain Mustang herd in Montana. This is a very special herd of Mustangs who are genetic descendants of the Spanish Conquistadors horses that came to America in the late 1400’s. This herd has maintained all the characteristics of their Ancestors – size, gate and markings.
So Thera is a very small horse and she is dun in color with a dark line down her back that extends from the base of her mane to her tail. Thera is still learning to trust humans and is only now beginning to reach out and touch.
Her presence is very different from the other horses in that the space around her always feels like it is on fire. It took me awhile to get used to this as it always felt like she was about to lift off.
When I invite Thera to share her perspective on The Feminine Flow, I hear the words “Holding Your Ground.” She shows a before and after picture of herself. The before picture is her standing in a very rooted position with her body totally at alert attention. It is very rigid in appearance and reminds me of a fight/flight stance.
The second view is Thera standing very grounded but with a flowing energetic boundary. The strength is there. The powerful presence is there and yet it is also softened by the flowing waves of her boundary versus the rigid, bunker style from before. Currently she is very much in this transition from defensive mode into a way of being aware with engaged, curious, flowing boundaries.
Internal Tempo – Internal Truth
All three of these equine sages refer to an “Internal Tempo” or “Internal Truth” that they are aware of and exist within. They describe it as “…reset[ing] to balance in the speaking of the word(s).
The Word(s) are Spirit as me and me as Spirit. I am proud and strong and still in this space. This is the Feminine Power.”
Each of these Feminine Spirits share their story, their learning and their growth in ways that we, as women, can relate to.
How many of us have just said “Yes” because it was easier or didn’t want to cause waves or ruffle feathers?
How many of us have pulled all those special parts of ourselves that make us the unique beings we were intended to be, deep inside because of fear or uncertainty?
How many of us have experienced trauma or upsetting events that resulted in maintaining a war like state we present to the outside world just to protect ourselves?
Can we allow our spaghetti to shift into the soft, sure flow of energetic waves to expand throughout and beyond?
These wise women do it. Let’s follow their Hoofbeats in this Feminine Flow.
Sara B. Willerson, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Pilot Point, TX, where she incorporates equine facilitated psychotherapy into her work with clients. Together with her equine partners, they invite all ages to come and experience the healing power of the horse outside of the traditional office setting. For more information please visit their website: www.horsesheartandsoul.com