25 May I hate making mistakes or getting confusing messages
I don’t know about you, but I hate doing “it” wrong. Hate making mistakes when I can’t make sense of things. It’s especially hard when there are confusing messages.
I especially hate doing it wrong when I’m on retreat, supposed to be immersed in bliss and joy. Ah, how life can play its funny games.
Last week I’ve been on silent retreat, something I’ve been looking forward as a chance to consolidate new ground in my life. Sometimes, though, life has a different agenda.
I did get a lot of that.
And, a couple weeks before the retreat the person organizing the retreat let us know the main room had a concrete floor so bring some blankets and yoga mats and pillows. That would be fine if I lived close – but I was traveling half way across the country for the retreat and didn’t relish the thought of schlepping all kinds of props with me. But, thinking of the alternative, I brought a pillow, mat, and small blanket.
Gratefully the yoga studio putting on the retreat also brought some props, putting them on a big table so I used the blankets and pillows that were there.
One day, however, I came to a session and the table was empty. There were blankets and pillows in bags next to the table. So I grabbed a few things and made myself comfortable, ended up having soaking into the blissful experiences I had longed for.
Afterwards, as I was clearing my space, putting things away the woman next to me was giving me the “eye” – I say it that way because I wasn’t sure what she was wanting to communicate but it didn’t feel so good. I spent a tiny moment wondering what I had done in silence during the last sit. How did I offend? Not coming up with a good answer I put it aside, concentrating on how wonderful the silence and quiet was
Yet, I kept bumping into this woman, getting a “vibe” without knowing what it was about. I started avoiding her in any way I could. Makes sense, right? Maybe you’ve done that kind of thing before.
Today I went into the room, got some props to set up my spot. The woman sitting next to me gently leaned over and whispered that I had taken some props from her friend’s personal stash (and she pointed to her friend).
Oh dear! I whispered back, I had no idea. Grateful for the information I put the things back and made do, leaning over to the nice woman, whispering again, that in traveling I hadn’t brought enough “stuff” to be comfortable.
I was grateful for her, she so nicely let me know what I was doing “wrong.”
It was in the Yoga Nidra, which is a time to rest and deeply receive that my mind went kaflooey. Suddenly it made sense. The woman who was giving me the “eye” had felt violated by me – I had gone into her personal stash inadvertently.
Eeek!
How interesting these different approaches were. The woman who let me know in whispered communication that I was using someone else’s personal belongings had stayed in relationship, keeping me informed. The other woman communicated non-verbally.
I got a message, wasn’t sure what the message was but got something. The message didn’t communicate anything good and made me want to avoid her. The other woman, the one of the whispered communication, let me know in a straightforward, relational way what I had done.
These two kinds of communication symbolize how complicated messaging can be.
It’s hard at times as an adult even when we can keep things clear. But if we can’t clear things up messaging is still happening.
Sitting after the whispered communication I realized how important the Becoming Safely Embodied Skills are in organizing our internal worlds. It’s hard enough when our internal worlds get confusing (and they certainly still do, at least for me, after all these years) but its even more confusing when the external world signals something that we can’t figure out. It’s worse when we can’t make sense –so we make sense using whatever belief we’ve got hanging around. Those are the ones that tend to tell us that we’re the problem, the source of the upset.
As the meditation came to a close I felt a sense of gratitude for working on my stuff all these years. These kinds of things are more clear now.
When someone communicates with me so I can make repairs life can sort itself out. Generally the other person and I can find a resolution that works for both of us. The other kind of communication is hard to be with, those are the ones when I feel held hostage in the vibe without knowing why.
Opening to that perspective I sent a silent thank you to the woman next to me who let me know what I had done. I then extended an apology to the nameless other who I felt had been bad vibing me. May we all know the goodness that surpasses all understanding.
If you’re interested the Becoming Safely Embodied Skills Self-Study Course please consider yourself totally welcome! My motto is, “There’s no way to do it wrong.” Exploring the BSE skills is about untangling internal messes so that you can find ways to live the life you always wanted to live.
But….. I did get to done of my favorite things. Ride horses! In this case I was riding Cowboy, a wonderful horse that loved the massages I gave him.
Tell me, though. What do you do when you make mistakes?
And how do you handle confusing messages?
Let me know. It makes a difference hearing from you.