30 Jan Becoming Safely Attached Workshop — Boston, MA / March 12 – 13, 2011
The very basic pattern of life is our desire to connect to other beings.
We see this in all mammals. Whales talk to other whales, moving close when they need. Baby giraffes stay close to their mother and even closer when there is danger on hand.
This is our basic human pattern
John Bowlby, one of the early attachment theorists, first studied this in the mid 20th century. He noticed that the more secure a person feels, the safer they feel to be genuinely curious and move forward in life.
Most of us weren’t that lucky.
That doesn’t mean we still don’t have that basic pattern to connect to others. We absolutely do.
Unfortunately, though, our patterns are usually buried under fears – and experiences – of being rejected, scorned, humiliated, put down, physically, mentally, and even sexually violated. We learn to stop our natural longing to connect to others.
Our fear patterns get in the way
Our fear based patterns get triggered in some way and – poof- before we know it we’re “out of here.” Each of us has our own “out of here” patterns. I recently wrote a blog about this. Click here to read them.
This is a territory I know well. It’s impossible for any one of us NOT to be controlled by our patterns. Some of us are lucky to have learned more supportive and nourishing patterns early on.
I can tell you I wasn’t one of them. I learned by slogging my way through, crawling my way through the distressing cycles of vulnerability, shame, humiliation. Yuck. I know those cycles well.
Here’s the bottom line: We don’t have to be stuck there
We’re never stuck. Hard as it can be to believe that, though, there is a way out. We can learn our “Reaction Patterns” so well that we can interrupt those embedded patterns and learn to “Respond to Life” the way we want to. We can have the life we want.
I want that for you. It’s certainly a freer, more satisfying way to life. Plus there’s so much more opportunity for joy then.
One of my great pleasure is being with people and helping them sort out their inner worlds. This workshop will be about setting out your own arena of change. You’ll learn about the basic patterns that run your life.
But much of the change will come from being emotionally present to others, being willing to be touched by their stories and their interactions with you.
Much of the learning will come as you explore what it’s like when others are willing to be emotionally present to you. How do you respond? What happens in your body? Exploring those reactions is the rich place of transformation.
We’ll look at the early pioneer in attachment theory, John Bowlby’s feedback loop:
– inner loop – is the feedback we get from ourselves, from inside our thoughts, feelings, impulses
– outer loop – the feedback we get from others.
Shame/Worthlessness Cycles
We’ll explore the inner and outer cycles we go into :
Shame
Vulnerability
Worthlessness
Yes. We all have those cycles. They can bring us down into horrible-ness faster than anything.
Here’s the beauty though. When we can be with those painful cycles in the presence of others who compassionately understand, who authentically admit to their own cycles, we begin to melt some of the horror of it all.
We’ll slow down these Reaction Cycles (which happen so quickly) so that we can look at in the safety of compassion and kindness. Building this kind of community is something we’ll do together when we bring our generosity of spirit, practicing seeing the best in ourselves and in others, allowing our hearts to soften and kindness to flow.
This kind of safe haven is something we have always longed for and often never had. It’s a place where you can heal.
Transforming Reactions Cycles into Response Cycles
Okay, that’s not all. As the community of kindness deepens we’ll look at how to be resilient in the face of those cycles – and explore how to Respond in the ways we want to rather in the old painful Reaction Cycles.
Weekend Structure
- Creating Safe, Secure Base of Support
Through it, we will be generating this safe haven of support. Healing does not happen with it safety and supportive connections. This will be the primary healing matt we’ll all be part of creating.
2. Teachings
I will be giving you the important information about connection, attachment. Most of the teaching will be woven into the examples and experiences that you describe.
3. Experiential
The bulk of the healing will be experiential. There will be times when I’ll have you working by yourself, doing something introspective about these patterns in your life. There will be times when I will have you talking with one other person, other times when you’ll be working in a small group. There will be times when I will work with someone in front of the whole group.
4. Art of Repair
Part of that is learning the Art of Repair. You will be triggered at some point I would imagine. Others will too. There is no greater way of shifting our patterns than being with others who allow us to stumble and welcome us back without rancor.
Workshop Schedule
Cost: $325 if you pay by February 15, 2011 (cash, check or Mastercard/Visa)
after February 15: $350
Payment options:
If you like you can pay with two payments. To do that either send me two checks (price split in half) to Deirdre Fay, 23 Main Street, Watertown, MA 02472 or call my office (617-923-1930) and leave me your credit card information (name, address, city, state, zip, name on the card, card number, expiration date, and 3 digit security code.)
Time:
Saturday and Sunday, March 12 & 13, 2011 meeting each day from 10 am – 5 pm
Where:
The Walker Center, 171 Grove Street, Auburndale, MA 02466
Traveling Far From Boston?
The beauty of the place I am renting for this workshop is that there are rooms there for people to stay. Rumor has it that the breakfast is fabulous! If that’s any incentive! Room rates, if you mention you’re coming for this workshop are $55 for a shared room/bath and $85 for a suite (bedroom and sitting room and bathroom.) All of course include this breakfast I just referred to. For more information call them at 617-969-3919 or email reservations@walkerctr.org.
Any Questions/Comments/Concerns
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