Building Inner Structure to Walk Out of Suffering

01 Mar Building Inner Structure to Walk Out of Suffering

When we suffer in any of the myriad forms that suffering takes we lose connection to the best parts of us. We find it difficult to access what inner nourishment, the kind that replenishes us. We point to the traumas of our lives and say, that’s it! If it weren’t for that I wouldn’t be suffering like I am.

Yet, the reason trauma doesn’t get repaired is often because there’s a structural issue that gets in the way, somewhere a line of development didn’t get laid down when we needed it to.  We’re left with a hole inside.

We need to repair the inner connective tissue that allows us to move fluidly, opening our hearts to receive and give and get replenished.

This feels so important yet not well used or understood that I wanted to take what I’ve learned from Daniel Brown, PhD and outline what creates that inner structure.  If there’s enough interest I’ll follow up with more in future ezines.

I recently did a podcast for someone (which will air in April) who is putting together a series on depression.  In the back of my mind I found myself drawn to the writings of Antoine de Saint-Exupery who wrote, among other books, The Little Prince.

 What makes the desert beautiful

is that somewhere it hides a well

When we are depressed we feel dry, malnourished, depleted, empty, lost, forgotten. We can’t find out way. We forget what Saint-Exupery wrote – what makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well.

We forget that we have a well, inside us, a reservoir so deep and full that it never dries or empties out. We forget our way, we lose the map or the directions aren’t clear.

Besides the important chemical, physiological, biological components that produce our depression or anxiety,  from an attachment perspective our hearts get broken, repeatedly, frequently, chronically and pervasively when our simple needs for love, kindness, listening, being seen, valued, cared about are not met.

There are four areas of psychological development that when repaired build internal structure, creating internal scaffolding which can help people (along with other important components) climb out of the psychological parts of depression.

Self-compassion practices are what circle us and provide us with the cocoon of warmth and care to deal with the difficulties that arise on the journey.

For this I can gratefully thank my mentor, Chris Germer, PhD, who is spearheading the important teaching of self-compassion around the world.

With the practice of self-compassion we continually go to the well and water our arid inner ground.  We create an environment where we are willing to compassionately tend to our broken places instead of leaving them alone, lost, cast aside.

Healing comes from actively engaging, in therapy or in your own imagination, these dry, broken places.  We do that by softly encountering those parts that can’t believe this could be possible, gently encouraging yourself to turn over and over again to what nourishes you despite completely doubting its possible.