24 Apr Hedgehog and Turblence: Steady steps toward a better life
Illustration by T. who wrote one of the emails below describing what’s in the image.
Can you find the Hedgehog? Where’s the hedgehog!!!!
With gratitude I acknowledge all the people in the Becoming Safely Embodied™ course. Everyone’s questions and comments helped me to think more deeply about the material. I continue to be awed at how these simple skills can make such a profound difference in people’s lives.
Every week I received emails from people in the BSE premium course. In that version of the course the participants and I interact about the BSE skills. It has been extremely moving for me to walk through the modules with people as they use the skills in their lives.
I have the incredible opportunity to be with people as they change their lives in such profound ways. What’s sad for me is that these transformations happen in private. People become isolated, losing contact with others. More importantly they don’t get the inspiration that comes from being around people who are actively engaged in changing their lives.
For this ezine, and with permission, I have included below one of the last emails (and will follow up with another email and my comments in the next ezine.) In the BSE Premium course I responded to emails as specifically and individually as I could. T, the illustrator of the drawing above has given me permission to share both the drawing and her email with you. I’ve added my comments. I hope it serves to inspire you in the same way it inspired me.
Dear Deirdre,
I just wanted to thank you for the BSE course. I have really enjoyed it and find it very helpful.
Deirdre: Thank you. I have such gratitude that I can help you, and others, on their healing journey. I am moved to tears, T. Literally, my eyes filled with tears reading your note. I will respond more but wanted to let you know the effect your note had on me. I’m very grateful to have been able to support you — and hopefully continue to support you.
I think it will take me quite a while to work with all the different skills, and it’s a little hard for me sometimes to know which to use when.. I am working a lot on separating out from and being able to be with the ‘parts,’ after being pretty much overwhelmed by them when a couple of years ago they all broke out into my life like a tsunami!
Deirdre: Yes it is like that, isn’t it!? When they come through like that we are completely blown asunder. It can take time to separate the arts and learn how to be with them. I’m glad you’re making strides with that.
I find the guided meditation on being with them really, really helpful. Building the muscles to be able to call up some calm adult presence is a big priority for me. I honestly haven’t thought of the parts as having something to say or needing something–I just thought of them as the experiences themselves. But I notice now the things they want and need seem quite fair and appropriate for a child in trouble, or even for anyone. And they do get it when I explain that I need them to leave me enough room so I can be strong and grounded and caring enough to help them. That direction to ask them to help out by not being too loud is a really good one!
Deirdre: Wonderful! I love that you have been able to establish contact with them and in doing so find yourself more internally organized.
I also liked your account of turbulence. I drew the attached picture of a river with boulders to express your image of water flowing around rocks… The picture has a hedgehog at the top because I curl up and hide like a hedgehog a lot and so seeing it reach out a paw is an image of curiosity and courage!
Deirdre: I absolutely loved your hedgehog and completely related. I certainly have had a hedgehog part of me for many years. Seeing your hedgehog reach out a paw is without question an image of curiosity and courage. Heart warming!
I also really appreciated that you included accounts of clients not trusting your or feeling angry at you sometimes. I have a lot of struggles with not trusting my own therapist and it helped me to know other people feel that way too.
Deirdre: I find it a measure of health. Trust is earned through breaks and repairs in both small and large ways. Honoring that process of learning to trust is important. Making room for that part, and all parts, is essential for integration. If we stuff things aside they don’t go away, they leak out in other ways. Having the courage to acknowledge the mistrust and anything else that’s there gives a foundation for living in the reality of the present relationship, present moment. I’m glad you found that helpful.
Thank you for all your work and careful thought in planning the course. I hope the material will be on the site for a while, since I know I will be working through the pieces for some time.
Deirdre: Thank you, T. There is a ton of work in getting a course like this together. So much that happens behind the scenes. If I were to calculate the time and effort I put in I realize it’s not a money maker for me. What I get is the enormous pleasure of walking with people as they find their way through the thick of life, opening to a more satisfying way to life.
And yes, the material will be up for another six months or so. Use it freely. Some people have asked to continue so I am putting together an online discussion seminar in the same style. If it feels right to you I’d love to have you join us.
One question I still have for myself is that in addition to being genuinely triggered, I can sense now that most of the time I am subtly inflected by the trauma parts. I have some very basic instinctive habits of shrinking down and away from people, or turning my body slightly away from them, or making myself small and inconspicuous, which are quite profound in their effect on my life. Sometimes that subtle, all-pervasive element is hard to know how to talk to, because it’s so woven into who I always felt myself to be. I guess it will come in time!
Thank you.
Deirdre: It’s an insightful question. I would want to explore more about “being subtly inflected by the trauma parts.” That sounds like a meaty nugget. I’m impressed you have such awareness of your internal response and how that manifests in unconscious body expressions and then to see how profoundly that effects your external life.
Yes, you’re right. Sometimes it’s hard to talk to. For those “situations” I find it more helpful to drop any thoughts and learn to surf the sensations, open, attentive, welcoming. Remember how we talked about ‘Body Time?” These “subtle, all-pervasive” experiences often need time and space to unwind and communicate in the only way they know how. It’s up to us to learn their language. Perhaps that’s why the first module on thoughts, feelings and sensations is to helpful.
These are also where healing attachment wounding is important as they are so rarely imprinted in us through words. This is part of my upcoming book to be published next year by Norton Publishing. And what we’ll delve into in the ongoing course.
Again, thank you for your words and drawing. The courage and curiosity with which you engage in your life makes the world a much better place for all of us.
Sending goodness, T.
Deirdre